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04 June, 2009
02 June, 2009
Abandon All Hope
Stack rank (and calibration) is to Microsoft as acidophilus is to yogurt - they both create acidic conditions.
Get out the Tums, because the heartburn is never-ending.
For ICs in their never-ending quest to move higher. And for managers in their never-ending quest to push their people higher, even if their best performer just pushed out a patch that caused over 3 million clients to hash the VM file and then blue screen and their worst performer spends more time justifying their shitty work than actually doing their shitty work.
You might be asking yourself, "Now why would a manager try and push crappy people up in the stack rank?"
It defies common sense. You would think that at an egalitarian programmer's paradise, managers would cooly and calmly rank their team members, interleaving them with their peer's in about five minutes, and then they would all disperse and go back to making sure that the ones and zeros were being cranked out in the correct order.
The riddle is answered when you realize that the Leads get stack ranked as well. As do the Managers, the Directors and so on.
Dropping the egalitarian bullshit, you can see that if you are a manager and you have a team full of losers, you're not going to do so well at your own stack-rank. "Kim's team sucked. They're all ten-percenters and fucked up all sorts of things this year. You can't put Kim above Kimee."
Things get even weirder when you have collections of rock stars in groups. There curve starts to come into play, and good people get screwed because, well, just because sometimes. They may get an Exceeded, but get shoved into the 70% bucket for stock, losing out on hundreds/thousands/tens of thousands of dollars in stock award based on their level.
Nutty eh?
Nothing says, "We value you," more than having to be squishy about what it will take to get into the 20% bucket next year. As a manager, I'll have to use words like "visibility" or "strategic" to guide you in the right direction.
Take those words as code that it's not you, it's the organization, and that it has screwed you out of money and me out of my ability to be as level with you as I would like.
Some would argue that being a good manager at Microsoft means that you can play the stack rank and calibration game to get your top performers the rewards they so justly deserve.
Deconstruct that, and you'll find a tarball of entitlement and an object example of how managers at Microsoft now spend way, way, way too much time playing the game instead of actually managing employees.
Which is one of the biggest fucking problems at Microsoft today and has lead and is still leading to all sorts of management by committee group-think dumb decisions.
LisaB, I'm looking right at you when I make this request - limit the stack rank and calibration to teams managed by leads only. Only let managers of managers do the interleave and so on up the chain. Make disclosure of this data a fireable offense.
By classifying these data points, managers will have to focus more on managing their teams instead of jockeying around so much.
Managers, ask for this. Wouldn't you rather spend more time guiding your team than in interminable meetings that can last hours as your argue over the minutiae of slot 21 vs. slot 22 on the list? If your answer is no, quit. Those of us that give a shit are really tired of your ilk, and we're going to key your new BMW until you get the message.
Get out the Tums, because the heartburn is never-ending.
For ICs in their never-ending quest to move higher. And for managers in their never-ending quest to push their people higher, even if their best performer just pushed out a patch that caused over 3 million clients to hash the VM file and then blue screen and their worst performer spends more time justifying their shitty work than actually doing their shitty work.
You might be asking yourself, "Now why would a manager try and push crappy people up in the stack rank?"
It defies common sense. You would think that at an egalitarian programmer's paradise, managers would cooly and calmly rank their team members, interleaving them with their peer's in about five minutes, and then they would all disperse and go back to making sure that the ones and zeros were being cranked out in the correct order.
The riddle is answered when you realize that the Leads get stack ranked as well. As do the Managers, the Directors and so on.
Dropping the egalitarian bullshit, you can see that if you are a manager and you have a team full of losers, you're not going to do so well at your own stack-rank. "Kim's team sucked. They're all ten-percenters and fucked up all sorts of things this year. You can't put Kim above Kimee."
Things get even weirder when you have collections of rock stars in groups. There curve starts to come into play, and good people get screwed because, well, just because sometimes. They may get an Exceeded, but get shoved into the 70% bucket for stock, losing out on hundreds/thousands/tens of thousands of dollars in stock award based on their level.
Nutty eh?
Nothing says, "We value you," more than having to be squishy about what it will take to get into the 20% bucket next year. As a manager, I'll have to use words like "visibility" or "strategic" to guide you in the right direction.
Take those words as code that it's not you, it's the organization, and that it has screwed you out of money and me out of my ability to be as level with you as I would like.
Some would argue that being a good manager at Microsoft means that you can play the stack rank and calibration game to get your top performers the rewards they so justly deserve.
Deconstruct that, and you'll find a tarball of entitlement and an object example of how managers at Microsoft now spend way, way, way too much time playing the game instead of actually managing employees.
Which is one of the biggest fucking problems at Microsoft today and has lead and is still leading to all sorts of management by committee group-think dumb decisions.
LisaB, I'm looking right at you when I make this request - limit the stack rank and calibration to teams managed by leads only. Only let managers of managers do the interleave and so on up the chain. Make disclosure of this data a fireable offense.
By classifying these data points, managers will have to focus more on managing their teams instead of jockeying around so much.
Managers, ask for this. Wouldn't you rather spend more time guiding your team than in interminable meetings that can last hours as your argue over the minutiae of slot 21 vs. slot 22 on the list? If your answer is no, quit. Those of us that give a shit are really tired of your ilk, and we're going to key your new BMW until you get the message.
30 May, 2009
Moving back in with the parents
I have a friend who went back to work for a large company after the small company he had worked at for a while folded. He described the experience as akin to moving back in with parents after a first, failed fledge.
Now I know what he meant.
The parents re-decorated and moved the furniture while you were away, causing you a few bruised shins in the night as you stagger back in after tipping a few pints with your mates at the pub. But what's most jarring is how their behavior has changed.
Especially towards you.
You're no longer the child to be doted upon and enveloped with a warm embrace, but an interloper and an irritant. They lash out at you when you harmlessly suggest they stop shuffling around in their slippers over the throw rugs, lest they fall and break a hip.
And your brothers and sisters who hadn't yet left home? A curious mix of derision and awe, stirred with whispered fears that mom and dad are going downhill faster than you knew, since you weren't around to watch it happen.
And so, I find myself back at Microsoft again, after the sinking economy sucked my startup down into the vortex where so many entrepreneur's hopes go: irreversible negative cash flow.
Ironically, failure has its rewards. In my case, dramatically reduced responsibilities compared to startup-land and managing a team vs. being an IC like my first go-round. Though as I'm finding, being part of the management class I railed against previously is causing me to question my sanity at times and actively worry that I'm falling to the mean of Microsoft management instead of helping to lift it up.
Hopefully you'll help me figure that out, because if I thought things were bad before in Microsoft management-land, they appear to be even worse now.
But before we delve back into the Microsoft management corpus for vivisection, I will preempt a couple of questions.
Why come back to Microsoft and re-animate this blog?
For the first part, it was a path of low resistance and I have bills to pay. For the second part, to help keep my sanity.
Constructive critique of the Microsoft work experience seems to be ebbing as of late and with silly decisions inside the company seeming to accelerate, I need a place to put the stupid.
And Bill knows, Microsoft seems to be generating more stupid per manager than ever before.
Take stack-ranking, for example...
Now I know what he meant.
The parents re-decorated and moved the furniture while you were away, causing you a few bruised shins in the night as you stagger back in after tipping a few pints with your mates at the pub. But what's most jarring is how their behavior has changed.
Especially towards you.
You're no longer the child to be doted upon and enveloped with a warm embrace, but an interloper and an irritant. They lash out at you when you harmlessly suggest they stop shuffling around in their slippers over the throw rugs, lest they fall and break a hip.
And your brothers and sisters who hadn't yet left home? A curious mix of derision and awe, stirred with whispered fears that mom and dad are going downhill faster than you knew, since you weren't around to watch it happen.
And so, I find myself back at Microsoft again, after the sinking economy sucked my startup down into the vortex where so many entrepreneur's hopes go: irreversible negative cash flow.
Ironically, failure has its rewards. In my case, dramatically reduced responsibilities compared to startup-land and managing a team vs. being an IC like my first go-round. Though as I'm finding, being part of the management class I railed against previously is causing me to question my sanity at times and actively worry that I'm falling to the mean of Microsoft management instead of helping to lift it up.
Hopefully you'll help me figure that out, because if I thought things were bad before in Microsoft management-land, they appear to be even worse now.
But before we delve back into the Microsoft management corpus for vivisection, I will preempt a couple of questions.
Why come back to Microsoft and re-animate this blog?
For the first part, it was a path of low resistance and I have bills to pay. For the second part, to help keep my sanity.
Constructive critique of the Microsoft work experience seems to be ebbing as of late and with silly decisions inside the company seeming to accelerate, I need a place to put the stupid.
And Bill knows, Microsoft seems to be generating more stupid per manager than ever before.
Take stack-ranking, for example...
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